Anger is an emotion that can be both constructive and destructive. If we can harness it effectively, anger has the power to propel us to stand up for ourselves and drive positive change. However, when left unchecked, it can transform into a destructive force, causing harm to ourselves and those around us. In this blog, we help you understand and overcome destructive anger.
WHAT IS ANGER?
We often find ourselves readily able to identify feelings and reactions that arise from anger, but not able to define exactly what anger is. An important aspect of anger is its function as a secondary emotion— anger is always hiding a deeper emotion that we don’t know how to control. Primary emotions such as fear or sadness may elicit feelings of vulnerability or discomfort, we want to avoid, so we shift to anger in order to forge a sense of security and control in the face of uncertainty. For example, when you argue with your partner, anger may arise as a response to a fear of abandonment should you be unable to solve the problem, or the feelings of irritation or frustration that arise when we are bored which stem from the sense of loss or frustration when we feel under stimulated.
It is important to remember that although anger is often negatively connotated, anger can also be a helpful emotion— anger acts as an internal alarm that something isn’t quite right. Anger can propel us to pay attention when we feel wronged or sense injustice in our day to day lives and to make a change. Where anger becomes a problem is when the magnitude of the experience is not a proportionate or healthy response to the trigger event, this is where the idea of management and coping come into play.
WHEN ANGER BECOMES BIGGER THAN THE PROBLEM
As we mentioned in the previous section, anger is not inherently bad or wrong. It is an emotional response to our brain’s attempt to work out a situation that may leave us feeling vulnerable or compromise our sense of control. When our anger reactions aren’t healthy or proportionate to the problem; (ex: punching a hole in the wall because your TV remote dies), this is where the consequences of our anger responses negatively outweigh the problem at hand (ex: we would have to pay thousands of dollars to repair our wall vs the $3 battery).
When we trigger a response from the amygdala, it bypasses all rational thought processing in the brain, causing us to act “out of our control” or “do things we wouldn’t usually do”. If we continue to act out of anger in our daily lives, the consequences eventually take effect on our physical, mental, and emotional health. Uncontrolled anger can lead to:
Physical health problems
- Cardiovascular issues (heart attacks, high blood pressure, hypertension), insomnia, lowered pain threshold
Emotional and mental health problems
- Outbursts or repression, depression and/or anxiety, coping using drugs or alcohol.
More severe social problems
- Road rage and driving under the influence, domestic violence/abuse, physical assault, self-harming and injurious behaviour, weakened immune system
HOW DO WE MANAGE ANGER?
Despite the fact that anger is an unconscious response to environmental triggers, we can devise methods to lower the magnitude of our response to anger. Anger management is crucial and here are some tips to help you:
- Counting down until you feel calm
- Reframing the situation as something you have control over
- Walking away or going for a long walk
- Channeling your energy into an activity (boxing, hiking, art, writing)
- Relaxation techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, scaling (0-10)
- Acknowledging your feelings in the moment instead of suppressing them
Most importantly, seeking help and treatment to better your anger management through psychotherapy or support and education groups is ideal in ensuring the long-term success in controlling your anger. In therapy, we can identify what triggers our anger, when we aren’t thinking before we react, redirecting this energy into resources to resolve the problem, and de-escalation techniques.
At C.S. Counselling & Consulting Services, we specialize in private couples’ and individual counselling addressing anger and how it may affect your life, coping skills and mental well-being, depression, anxiety, alcohol and substance abuse, and navigating anger with a healthy sense of self. We see both call-in and referral clients and offer services from RSW-registered professionals. At C.S. Counselling & Consulting Services it is our goal to work with you and/or your loved one to provide clarity while developing skills to cope during an otherwise stressful and challenging time.